I woke with a start as the first pale rays of dawn were seeping through the curtains. The dream was still wrapped firmly around me in all its vivid colors: Mom was trying to maneuver herself into a more comfortable position and was crying from the pain and frustration. I tried my best to help … More Truth in the Darkness
It’s quiet today. I hear the steady thrum of my heartbeat as it pulses through my veins, and I breathe deeply. Such simple things to take for granted, yet what exquisite implications they hold. I am still here. A year ago I watched these things end for her. I felt the stillness that was emptiness … More Holding On With Loose Hands
It’s been a year now that this chair sits empty. You lived in it – rested, ate, even slept – for almost two years. Now instead of medication, a bottle of bourbon sits next to it. That’s my medication now. A year ago we lifted you out of that chair and placed you carefully into … More Until We Meet Again
Is it just me, or is there some small comfort in the fact that we as a society – and dare I say, the world at large – are all collectively experiencing the shitshow that is 2020 together? We have all experienced rough times in our lives; that is a fundamental part of the human … More Behind the Mask
“You know you’re not allowed in the cemetery after dark,” she warned me and I assured her I knew the rules; the exchange merely a friendly obligation as both of us knew full well I was going anyway. I didn’t need much time to find what I was going there to discover, and felt sure … More Uprooted By a Change in the Weather
*Warning: Explicit language Some days, a song comes on the radio that just screams CURRENT MOOD. You sing the lyrics and they resonate with what’s going on inside you better than you could explain if you tried. I’m a little bit off today, something down inside me’s differentWoke up a little off today, I can … More A Little Bit Off Today
John Lennon once said, “Nobody told me there’d be days like these,” and he was so right. It’s been five months since we lost Mom, and these are strange days, indeed. If you would have told me a year ago what my life would look like now, I never would have believed you. But here … More Riding the Roller Coaster
When your mother dies during Holy Week, you begin Easter with a bonfire. Two days before Good Friday, at 1:05 am, my mother exhaled a shallow breath and didn’t take another one. It’s easy to think the moment of death will be monumental to the onlooker, a definitive event, but for me, sitting there holding … More Burning the Past: Processing Grief During a Pandemic
When we lose a loved one – whether it is family, friend, or acquaintance – there is a process we expect to take place. Funeral arrangements are made, notifications are given, estate matters are discussed. We may be part of all or none of this process, but we know that it occurs. There are a great many things that must … More Three Things to Never Do When a Loved One Dies
As I mourned the loss of my Grandmother, I began to document the changes to her gravesite over time as I wrestled with the changes in my own heart, and began to see a corollary between the slow progression of the two. This photojournal is the culmination of the first year of my own personal … More A Diary of Healing: A Year of Mourning Comes Full Circle
Morbid Curiosities 